state of mind july one-o

I learned how to recognize my triggers, idiosyncrasies I must control in order to remain the bigger person.

As a child, I dealt with being teased for my light skin, thrusting myself into a life of thick-skinned defensive remarks and fist fights in city parks. I got over it. I've come to terms with my triggers.

When it came to triggers, I was what most rappers claim to be on their records: fast, unforgiving, and unrelenting.

In my everyday life, I am happy to say that I have control of my triggers...


...for the most part. People ask me, "Jose, when you gonna be done with school? What's up with that degree? I thought you were smart?"

Oh shit (read: a trigger is about to be squeezed).

I draw my brain from its holster so fast John Wayne would be jealous, and inform the person asking me that I"ll be done with I'm good and ready to be done.

When am I going to be done? When the university I attend issues me the most expensive piece of paper an SANE person could ever justify purchasing. 128 course credits later I will still have a dream and more questions to ask. I'll be done with college when the education is worth getting because I can say I learned something and not because it's "the thing to do". I don't need loans that amount into the tens of thousands to occupy my time with hard-heads, dimwits and self-proclaimed geniuses.

The irony of this question is that I find it leaving the mouths of people who:
A. never went to college or,
B. have a degree but live lives that they are unhappy and unsettled in.

As Americans, we have a love affair with statistics. You're either one or the other, and we have to know which one we fall in.

Statistics on rising violence? We need to see change. Homelessness on the rise? We need to see change. Upset with the inflating gas price? We need to see change. Are you willing to change your life? Man, you MUST be deranged...

I know someone who works in an iron mill and has a degree from a prestigious university. The university system has done a great job at selling false hopes and dreams. They oerce you into debt and cut you at your knees.

So when am I gonna be done?
Obviously when I get my degree.
But I could give a fuck about 'making dollars' when it is 'making change' I want to see.