Thursday, May 31, 2007

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Why is it that I fall in love with every woman who shows me the slightest amount of attention? If all she does is look in my general direction, how is it that I'm hooked? And the situation we're in is of no matter whatsoever. She could pass me by while walking down the street, mixing up and serving drink concoctions at the bar, dancing and accidentally bumping into each for a sudden meet and greet, or hoping on the same train and sitting polar opposites, glancing at each other from our ends of the car.

It's momentary, sure, but tremendously mysterious. No names exchanged, just challenges through extended glances. It's a silent game of Truth or Dare and even though honesty is the best policy, I am never on to back down from a challenge.

Or maybe she isni't challenging me at all...

It's possible that she exists simply as a reminder of what I have yet to become, and the things I have yet to overcome. She isn't some concept I hope brings my life to complete. We're all just fucked up people looking for peace of mind. But I wonder what thoughts occupy her mind as our lines of vision cross, connect, and pause; what is she thinking?

While I may not be able to predict, I can already see us on the first date. Yes, we'll do the walking-down-the-street-talking-and-sharing-coffee thing. We'll do the-debate-over-hip-hop's-greatest-emcees-and-producers thing. We'll do the drink-wine-and-take-in-some-theatre thing. And when it's all said and done, I'll walk her to her door and just like in the movies, I'll request to see her again. And in that moment, that moment where we're both on cloud 9, we begin to near each other for that fairytale kiss....

...she says hello, and I snap back in surprise to remember where I am. It's 11:16 in the morning, and I've had TOO much coffee that the effects are backwards. I return her pleasant gesture as I rub and lower my forehead, hiding my eyes behind the brim of my baseball hat. She watches as I gather my things and I am the one to initiate the farewell.

Her face has the expression of disappointment, and the nodding of confusion about it all is something I've come to be all too familiar with from the opposite sex. A sacrifice I'm willing to make in hopes that tomorrow I'll wake up and finally do more than what I have today.

Where did yesterday go???

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